Monday, August 10, 2009

Questionable office habits

Some people do things I just don’t understand. And lots of them happen at my office. A few follow.
  1. When someone blesses themselves after they practically sneeze you out the window. After a shower of someone else germs, the sneeze-ees should be the ones saying "Bless me"! Instead, say “Excuse me." Just enjoy your sneeze and let the people around you take care of the Gesundheits. And by the way, is it even to possible to bless yourself?
  2. Bare feet at the office. Yuck! It may be summer, but must you walk around free of footwear? Slipping your sandals half off is one thing, but fully removing your shoes, then gripping your office chair with boney, two-inch-long, prehensile toes in full view of everyone before prancing barefoot to the shared printer 20 feet away of the office is just plain nasty. The only worse thing would be to play with them, and then use communal office equipment. It's so easily remedied: wear open shoes in the summer, but KEEP THEM ON. Is this so difficult? At least put them on before picking up your prints...
  3. “Feel free to contact me if you should have any questions.” This is a wordy and condescending way to express that you are available for clarification. If I have questions, of course I will contact you, and I don't need you to tell me to feel free to do it. In fact, I'll contact you whether or not you want me to. And what's with the "if" I "should" have any questions? Why should I have questions? Are you not telling me everything I need to know? Coworker, I just lost faith in your ability to communicate. It's much clearer to say, "Please contact me if you have questions."
  4. Leaving pubes on the floor of the bathroom. This is just inexcusable. Not for nothing, but I can’t just whip out my urinating unit. As women do, I have to drop trou to do my bid'ness, and I do not relish the thought of my pant legs coming into close proximity with any of my officemates' short-and-curlies. I refuse to blame it on the custodial staff, because it happens during the course of the day. I have actually blown them out of the way before performing my necessary functions in order to have frizzle-free pants. I don’t know who these hairs belong to, but I do know that thanks to my genius aesthetician, the odds of them being mine are very slim indeed.
  5. Microwaving fish. 'Nuff said.
And you? Got any to add to the list?

1 comment:

Blog Cabin Adventure said...

OMG! You must work at my office! lol...This stuff must be universal!