- I suffer from depression and mild social anxiety, for which I take meds. Yay meds!
- I had three holiday parties to go to last weekend, which is a pretty big deal for someone with social anxiety, even if they are on meds.
- Vitamin N’s lovely big eight-year-old border collie Chief died this week, from some type of aggressive doggie cancer. He was feeling ill on Saturday and they took him to the vet on Sunday, and surgery was scheduled for Monday (for his spleen which had burst) but he never made it to Monday morning. I loved that dog too, and he loved me. Boo doggie cancer!
- Her eldest son (whose dog it really was) decided to have Chief cremated. Yuck cremation!
- The crematorium does their service by the pound. Chief was 93 pounds. Wow bigdog!
- I am of the soft and cuddly body type, myself. Some would call me thick, some would call me fat, but I just call me pretty cute. Sexy, sometimes even! *winkwink*
After the parties this past weekend, I had to attend three more parties. Then, three more parties. Three MORE parties after that. The parties were blending into each other. Were they different parties, or one gigantic never-ending, anxiety-inducing “party”? Suddenly, I was a veterinarian in an operating room. I couldn’t see my hands but they knew what they were doing. But it was super duper hot in my white scrubs and I could see worried people peering in the little window in the door. Then I turned into the pet! I was big, not like a cat, but maybe a cat. Or maybe a dog. Maybe a big, furry collie. I had long hair like Chief. I was in a metal cage and my thoughts were all muddled. I was really hot and breathing slowly, but not in any pain or anything. Then suddenly I was human and THREE MORE PARTIES!!! THEN THREE MORE PARTIES. THREE MORE THREE MORE THREE MORE… etc. etc. until I awoke. At 8:15. I’m supposed to be in the office at 8:00. That was Monday morning and quite a shitty day.
Monday night I dreamt I was going to be cremated and I was ashamed and felt guilty because I was going to cost so much. I may have been a pet or human. I just felt really big and I seemed to take up a lot of room. If I reached out my arms and legs a little I could touch the sides, but I didn’t want to for some reason. I was sooooo hot suddenly! I was in the oven!!! I woke up sweating unbelievably with Butch and Twinkie totally snuggled up around my top half, purring contentedly.
Tuesday and Wednesday nights, nothing. Alevai! (sp?)
Thursday night. Some worry dreams about money and the heat getting turned off. But I still had electricity so that was ok. I reasoned that I could just plug in the electric heater and make tea from the electric kettle.
Anyway, sheesh, right? All hot and cold and anxious and pets and money. You know what I miss? Sex dreams. Damn meds...