“And for the sin of dating indiscriminately, date nut bread.”
When I heard this one on Sunday, I giggled and giggled, even after I was done casting away my sins into the closest we have to fresh water (a pond).
Shall I explain? Allow me, since you probably have no clue what I’m talking about. This weekend was Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of the High Holy Days. Because the first day fell on Shabbat, Tashlich (the symbolic casting away of one’s sins into fresh water, using bread) had to be held on Sunday instead of Saturday. Hello, new year! Hello, clean slate! This ceremony takes place yearly, and instead of praying alone, my parents and I now do this mitzvah with the other congregants from the temple. Sigh.
Evidently, it wouldn’t be complete without some majorly corny jokes about using different types of bread for different types of sins. Everyone knows the ones about substance abuse (stoned wheat), being holier than thou (bagels), sins of indecision (waffles) and other just as corny ones. And let me say that I usually like corn. I love corn! But it’s enough, already, with the same jokes year after year. And since when is Tashlich supposed to be a laugh-fest, anyway? Me and my parents thought we’d get away without it this year, but someone managed to sneak in a sheet.
Anyway, the rabbi shared a few forgettable ones, but this one really worked for me. (I'm giggling now. What can I say? Sometimes I like cheap thrills.) It truly was a date nut bread kind of year, and I must say that I'm happy to move on. Maybe this year will be the sweetest, smoothest, richest, happiest one yet.
Well, it turns out I have superhuman powers. I can fly!
I woke up today verrry late (7:27!), after having either slept through my alarm or I don’t know what… but I was sitting at my desk in the office, having showered, shampooed, conditioned and somewhat pretty at 8:04. ZOOM! In retrospect, it might have had something to do with the muscle relaxant I took at 9:00 last night. After the very warm 45-minute salt bath. Or maybe I was just really tired. I actually had to lie down to watch Project Runway! Butchie took up residence near my feet and kept them warm, having placed his furry chin on my ankle and reaching out his paw to position it on my foot. (It was very cute.)
I was probably able to finally relax, in general. After an interesting Wednesday involving a flu shot and my first trip to a chiropractor, EVER, Wednesday night I was feeling better than I had in six or so weeks.
But apparently because my body had been out of alignment for so long, on Thursday my neck kept trying to slip back into the incorrect position. Several times during the day I moved my arm wrong and my eyes welled up with tears, it hurt so badly. It was a dull ache during the day, but when I moved, it was a shooting pain. Ouchie! Today it’s even better, but I am visiting her again before holiday dinner at my parents’ – my mom reminded me that we would have to sit in those horrible little pews this weekend and that I would feel even worse if I didn’t go now, since my chiro-woman is out for vacation for two whole weeks. Lucky!!!
Anyway, last night I didn’t write articles, I didn’t clean except for a small amount (I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the living room, and straightened the bathroom on Wednesday night, but I still need to run through the living room) and I also didn’t cook, either for dinner or for the High Holy Days this weekend. I did go to the market to get the fixings – my parents are coming over Saturday and we are doing that day’s meal at my place: Alton Brown’s lentil soup, various cheeses, bread of some kind (hopefully challah, if I can find it), and apple cake. So I have to do that tonight when I get home. I’m fine with it, minchag-wise.
But great news! The Demand Studios gig is really paying for me! I am up to $430 in completed work. I sold the table and chair set to my neighbors and got a hundred bucks for that. I have to bill for my quarterly website work and… hmm… you know what? Let’s not talk about money right now… it is Erev Rosh Hashanah, after all.
Anyway, Good Yontif, everyone. Or as the seculars say, “Happy New Year!”
Monday night I took one of the most unusual baths I have ever had. The temperature was just right, I used the right amount of salts, I was just relaxed enough… and the cats were with me. Yes, you read right – Butch and Twinkie were right there with me.
Apparently, I was so relaxed and still that they must have thought I was dead, because as I lay staring at the ceiling, Twinkie came over to investigate. He came to the door and meowed. I meowed back. He came right up to the tub and meowed. I meowed back. He touched his sweet pink nosie nose to my dangling, wet hand and meowed. I meowed back. He placed his paws on the edge of the tub, stretched out, brought his nose to the water and meowed.
At this point I was silently cracking up, because he looked so concerned. Then he actually jumped up onto the tub edge and sat his furry butt down. I petted and patted him and talked to him in soothing tones: “Oh, Twinkie, thank you so much for your concern, but I feel fine. It’s just that my neck really hurts, and I’m tired. So do you want to be a valet in your next life? Etc. etc.)
Please keep in mind that the water level was within 1.5 inches of the top of the tub – one splash and he would have been soaked. But he hung around for a while, and Butchie wandered in and sat on the toilet. I usually close the door most of the way and use candles, so maybe they thought something new and exciting would happen. Then either they became bored or I moved too much, and they trotted off. I was left to ponder why cats act the way they do. I guess we’ll never know...
For fun, I was reading up on the 1960's Leisurama lifestyle and came across the thoughtful, well-organized, and beautiful Design Observer website. I also read the Is There Bauhaus in IKEA? article and comments and can't wait to delve deeper into the site. Just wanted to share.
Last night I learned how to play 45's. I liked it! It was like Spades or Hearts, but with no logic to the high cards. You can play partners, triples, or cutthroat. My triple won, but it was close. And I had to use a cheat sheet. I picked it up pretty quickly, though; I would totally play again.
So how come no one plays cards anymore? I really liked Spades. Who wants to play with me?
This post is for those of you who doubted that I had a mouse leave me a present in my closet a few months ago. The ones who laughed when I put peanut butter in a trap I bought at Target. The ones who claimed beyond a shadow of doubt that the three teeny tiny turdlets were actually seed beads that had fallen off my black cha-cha tank top.
I found more. About 12 more! In a different room! All in the same place. But I cleaned them up with the vacuum and the Activeion and I'm all set now.
Apologies to my weekend houseguest... they were under the sofa in the guest room. I think this mouse must have arrived when my next-door neighbors on the other side were having some work done in their kitchen a while back. I haven't heard squeaks or scrabbling recently, and there are no more mouse turds anywhere, so I think I'm safe. But I was sooo pissed to find more. How dare a mouse take up residence here?
"This condo belongs to me. When that mouse pays rent, he can stay in a cage. Until then, all mice are hereby banished!" decreed The Clever Cat, as she stamped her paw against her fancy Ikea combination desk and got up to mix herself some lemonade and rum...