Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Ex-boyfriend-re-befriending

It’s a slippery slope.

Let’s say you’re dating someone, and they break it off with you. Would you want to be their friend? What about if you were the breaker-upper? Would it matter to you?

This can be an uncomfortable situation. If the person wanted to see you, as a friend, they would, either right away or some amount of time later. You know I am of the school that says, “It’s over. Let’s never speak of this again, and go our separate ways. And if we run into each other for whatever reason, let’s be polite, not buddy-buddy, not obnoxious, and certainly not nostalgic. And no hanging around like we're friends, because we’re not.”

But I tend to not be nostalgic to begin with, and my patience is short when faced with annoyances, and even shorter when I have to deal with people I have no interest in. (I have even been informed that I think like a guy in certain situations -- which works for me.) I did try the befriend-the-ex-boyfriend thing after college with someone I cared for and fell out of love with, and it worked, until I had to dump him for the second time (from friend status) after my divorce when I realized he was too high-maintenance. Sorry. I just don’t have the desire to expend more energy on someone else than I do on myself. Harsh? I think not. It’s a self-preservation technique! (I am sure this outlook will change after kids enter the picture, but for now, it makes perfect sense.)

And certainly if someone broke up with me I would not want to be friends with them, anyway.

But what do you think? Is it a good idea? A bad idea? A who-really-cares-anyway situation? I'm curious. Please comment.

4 comments:

Paula Light said...

I'd just go case by case. Some I wouldn't mind being friends with, while others I never want to hear from again. If I must choose one or the other, I'd go with not being friends with any of 'em.

The Likkle Girl Who Wurves Pwetty Things said...

Hello Clever Cat,
Like you, I think and act like a boy sometimes so I don't know if that's got anything to do with me being friends (and great friends too!) with quite a few of my ex-es.

I think I have more fun with them now that my relationship with them is platonic. And because all of us share the same interest in music and going to the pub (ha!), the boys have become friends too. It might sound a bit incestious but where I come from, Singapore, is a very small place.

So, yes, I'm for keeping ex-es as friends if it doesn't cause our hearts (or theirs) too much pain. Afterall, they've seen us at our ugliest and they've been our best friends when we were dating. x

Anonymous said...

Greetings Clever Cat...

I agree that there are definitely some exes you just don't want to be friends with ever again... the creepy, obsessed, heartbroken and hoping for a second chance, the hurtful, the mean.

But then there are those relationships where the relationship was a good one that just didn't work out. You both liked each other, were friends, enjoyed each other's company but you knew it just wasn't "the one". In my experience, those are the perfect occasions to stay friends with your ex. I have a few such friends and am glad that we were both mature enough to keep contact. We've both benefited from the friendship.

Ex-sex, on the other hand... NEVER a good idea.

The Clever Cat said...

Great points of view, peeps, and thanks for the input. I will keep it all in mind and perhaps not be so quick to chuck someone if they have good general qualities that can translate to good friend qualities.

But I must say, if an ex has hurt me, they have lost the right, nay, privilege of my friendship. So they lose. Poor them.