"You don't own me...

I’m not one of your many toys…

You don't own me
Don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me
Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay…"
           - As recorded by Lesley Gore, 1963

Headed in the wrong direction

So my neck is going the wrong way. I have arthritis, fusing, and spurs in my cervical column and the beginning of a dowager's hump. *sad face* I lean to the side and I have a tilted pelvis. There’s very little space for the nerves in my neck and my skull is sitting almost completely directly on top of vertebra number 1 (whatever it is called). I saw the x-ray and it ain’t purdy. He says it’s like a 60-something year old neck. Chiro wants me to have traction! To the tune of $4,000. Ahem. I’m not leaning toward that yet. Get it? Leaning? Ha.

I am wary. I shall check with my primary and see what she says. Meanwhile, I will get some adjustments which should help in the short term – got the first session of who knows how many last night. I enjoyed the supersonic massage thingy and then received three types of adjustments – the one where you’re face down and the table drops at your neck; the one on your tummy where you take a breath and let it all out and they press down hard on your back and it makes a scary sound; and finally the one people think of when they hear the word “chiropractor” – the one where you lay on your back and they twist your neck and it sounds like a tree breaking. Then I got five minutes of ice packs. Then I went home and applied more ice packs to my neck and a cat to my lap.

This is worrisome. I'm going to try not to let it bother me but I know me. I'm gonna worry. But I'll keep you posted, readers, and if I need advice I will ask.

My family and I have always joked that I have no neck... but I guess we were right.

On the plus side, I got a manicure today... bright green, to cheer me up!

Something's fishy

At the North America Seafood Expo, in Boston! (The company “title” given to me by JJ was Assistant Assistant. Teehee.)

I went with JJ and lasted two hours before walking past a tall woman holding a tray of crunchy dried things in tiny paper cups suitable for pill-giving at hospitals. Well, I made the mistake of breathing while passing, and caught a whiff of something that had never before been smelt by my poor nose. Smelt? At the seafood show? Get it? Haha.

In fact, I do not think it was smelt (that joke is far too easy). I had caught a glimpse on my way past and whatever it was had been chopped up, and was colorful and festive-looking: bits of red, pinkish, orange, black, green maybe? It looked like ground peppercorns of various colors to someone just beginning to learn about international fish tastes. We were in one of the numerous Asian aisles at the time.

I’ll tell you what it was NOT (to my eye – and I have watched a lot of the original Iron Chef! Heh.) It was not dried sardines, shrimp, anchovy, cod/bacalao, salmon, and it was also not bonito flakes. Maybe it was a mix of fish with spices or other things? It was not garlicky though, nor did it smell distinctly of pepper, ginger, chilies, kimchi, or soy. Or even seaweed. Whatever it was, I was overcome. I guess it was enough time at the trade show because JJ took one look at my face and asked if I was ok. I told him I wasn’t going to be able to smell fish for much longer that day, and he made the (smart!) executive decision to lead me toward the exit.

But I keep wondering about it. What a mystery! Maybe I will ask JJ to find out what it was. I must know! 

Thank you for your support

So I finally bit the bullet and got a few new bras that actually fit and (seem to) manage my not inconsiderable side-boob. It's a Goddess bra that I bought at an online sale at JC Penney after trying on my sister's one in a different size.

I guess I should have gotten the next cup size up though (this is a "Dayum Girl in the Name of All That is Holy You Got Some Tig 'Ol Bitties" H) because after a day, even though it's significantly better and offers about 200% more support than what I was wearing, I still have a bit of overflow.

What sparked the sudden need for tit control? Well, it's not so sudden. It has been a long time coming, and at the price of $45 and upward for a bra that one cannot try on at buying time since the freaking size is unavailable in brick and mortar stores is not not only frustrating, it requires careful budgeting.

So one never knows what will fit. At T-giving last year my sister introduced me to a different way of chesticle measurement known as the "scoop and swoop". Using this method we arrived at a bizarre 40N. Twice. So I went ahead and bought what I thought would be the perfect bra online,  but when it arrived it was laughably large in the cups.

So when I visited her a couple weeks ago, I tried hers on and we decided that I should try the H. I think we were wrong again, or maybe the bra simply needs my imprint upon it in order to bend to my will boobs. We shall see! Good luck to me!

MA Primary, 2016

So today is the day I cast my ballot for Hillary’s nomination, again.

It brings to mind when I was a youngster at P.S. 24 in Flushing, Queens and it was a voting day. They would drag out the voting booths with their drapes and mysterious handles, strangers at the sign-in tables, and occasional bunting. I also seem to remember voting taking place in the auditorium, but that doesn’t make much sense, does it?

Fast forward to today, through my first vote at college for Clinton in ’92 and again at the next one, the Bush/Gore/”Chad” fiasco, Obama, and now this extremely exciting and sometimes nauseating progression of events leading to today, Super Tuesday.

I was disappointed that Hillary didn’t get the nomination last time… really disappointed. Here’s hoping for this time – fingers, legs, and eyes crossed!

I miss my face

Well, I'm not any closer to getting back on the bean now than I was at last posting. But I have 5k races coming up! So I really can't do them well while lugging around an extra 30 pounds.

30? Yes, 30. Fully half of what I had lost. I miss my face and especially my ass, which was really getting quite good. :(

So. I'm taking a staycation next week and will reevaluate my eating, begin tracking on the government Supertracker, and start one of those couch-to-5k thingies. Have I mentioned that running a mile is something I've always wanted to do? Well, it is. And I will have a new bra (which will help immensely) and a new attitude, which is really the most important piece of this puzzle. I'll keep you posted.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

So. After a very long time and a bunch of pounds lost on the PP program (Simply Filling) and a few lost on the SP program (61 in total, then 20-something gained back due to Life Stuff including thyroid and other meds issues as well as falling off the treadmill and injuring myself - nice, huh?) I've thought a great deal about it and have decided to quit Weight Watchers for a while. I need to get my head back in the game, and they are not helping.

Reasons being:

• Doing us a disservice by using a points-based system, not a nutritionally-based system
• Constantly pushing their (not-so-great) foods (my leader does not push, but the site and their emails do)
• Having terribly frustrating, not fully-functional website and apps
• Focusing on the holistic crap at the meetings (ffs, I am here to lose weight. I can meditate on my own, yes?)
• There are other reasons, but these are the ones that roll off my fingers. 

I tried tracking (yes it works, but it doesn't need to be done through WW) and journaling/blogging for a few weeks (on the website, which was slow) and can't seem to get back into it. I'm still signed up for another month at least so damned if I'm going to let that go by the wayside, though.

Anyway, I suspect I might be more prone to stick to a long-term health plan if I can think about it myself... I may try a different way of tracking that actually tells me real nutritional amounts (grams) of what I'm eating. The WW site will tell you calories, but that's only one snapshot, and frankly, for those of us who are interested in real data, it's useless.

Also, I miss this blog. That's right. I'm back, baby! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! :D

No idea on whether I will be posting food-related updates or journaling weight-loss whatnot or just sharing some shit now and then, but I might. Thoughts?

Sleep study

Well... .6 this week, but in total I've lost 12.8 pounds in five weeks. I think that's a pretty good record.

Tonight I pick up a sleep machine to determine if I have a serious case of apnea or just a mild one. Doc says it sounds serious. Bf keeps "saving my life" in the night, and I have a wicked case of dry mouth. We shall see...

Oh! Also, this is the 600th post. Wow!

A smaller appetite, a smaller waistline

And smaller boobs! Already. :( (I'm happy about the other smaller things, just not that... not yet.)

But it's not all bad... my bras are fitting better, and now it turns out some of them do nothing at all! They're not exactly free-floating in the cups, but were all stretched out and I didn't notice because of superfluous flesh. Adios, bras! Bf was amazed and dismayed:

"You'll be down to a C in no time!"
"Don't worry babe... I still have to work my way down to a double D."
*sigh of relief*

And Sunday morning, when I pulled on my favorite long-sleeved gray tee and raggedy black jeans, the jeans had room in the crotch and thighs and the t-shirt actually bagged! (When before it skimmed.)

"I'm ready! Let's go!"
"Omg. I've never seen you look so homeless before." (He is used to seeing me in dresses and glammed up. I like to glam up!)
*sigh* "I'll change the top..."

So all in all, my body is changing, and my skin is improving, and it's all pretty good. (Did you know, skin regenerates every 35 days?) Bf can hold me closer, I can snuggle right in there, and I don't have to eat and prepare as much food. On the other hand, my eye makeup consumption seems to have increased. Lol! Hey, I gotta be heavy-handed somewhere, right...? ;)

My new mantra

is...

MAKE IT FUN.

In the past, I never wanted to think of myself or accept that I was “on a diet”, which caused me to always tell myself I was on “a new way of eating”. This time if it came up, I simply came right out and said I was dieting, and that’s actually been a lot easier than I thought it would. I have the support of friends and loved ones, and although it’s gonna be a long-ass journey (hopefully turning into a short-ass journey, haha) I think this one will be ok… as long as I make it fun.

What’s more, this is a good thing to remember in all life, not just in dieting. So here goes… when we meet along the way, let’s give each other a great big hug! Ok? See you then!

Simple Start satisfactions

Two weeks ago I started Weight Watchers (Simple Start), because I really need to lose poundage, and it had finally gotten to that point. This time feels different though, because I actually LIKE the way I look, and finally understand my body and what looks good on it. So I figure, I will still like my face and form having lost some weight also. (If I go from fat-pretty into ugly-skinny I will be pissed, though. Just saying. Ahem.)

But this post isn’t about reasons for losing, it’s about what feels good after having been dieting for two weeks! Nine pounds of lumpy butter (that’s Twinkie, teehee) gone! YAAAY!

So here’s what I love, or what has relieved or pleased me about this diet:

• Not being dependent on processed sugar (i.e. candy) to feel good. In my heart of hearts I know I will always like candy, but it’s freeing to not constantly be craving sweets. I found myself even reducing my use of Splenda and other fake sweeteners.
• Bras fitting better. My ten pounds of sugar in a five-pound bag has already been reduced to about six pounds in that bag. Hahaha!
• No huffing and puffing when rubbing my tootsies for an extended period of time. I love foot rubs, and it’s a lot easier when you can reach them without throwing yourself off balance. 
• Much-improved sleep. Less walrus-like snoring!
• GREATLY-improved wakeability! Not late to work once while on the diet! 

I'm sure more satisfactions will show up after time, and when that happens I will post again! See you then!