What’s that saying by Louis C.K.? "When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't."
I’m moody today. Partly from the breakup, partly pre-menstrual, partly feeling like I’m spinning my wheels now and I detest that… this has not been the best of weeks.
As my heart begins its process of healing, I can effortlessly remember scads of good times – his treatment of me (although not always of others… why didn’t I warn myself?!) had been outstanding – which is maybe why his inaction was so hurtful and confusing. I find myself still using his sound bites (hey, they’re funny! and generally accurate) and noticing things that would make him laugh (although not always me).
His stuff sits in a lumpy pile out of sight for the moment of return, a time I don’t look forward to but also somehow do. Above all, I will keep my self-possession. I do not need to raise my voice to be heard. I’m just hurting right now, is all. Stitches sure pull, don’t they?
And speaking of stitches, I’m going to begin another (simple) blankie. I know spring isn’t the right season for blanket-making, but it will help me feel cozy and I’ll enjoy making something I can use. Maybe I’ll even post a pic when finished.
So as time knits a wound, I will crochet a blanket. And also, get a haircut… the unequivocal action of breakups! Booyah!