Goldenberg's Peanut Chews

Yet another thing I miss.


For years after I left New York, I couldn't find my old favorite-favorite, Goldenberg's Peanut Chews. Then I stumbled upon the small boxes and individual packs in a dollar store here in Massachusetts, and rejoiced. But the chews went the way of the dodo. I was so unhappy…

…until I found "Chew-Ets" Original Dark Peanut Chews. But they're not the same, and certainly not an improvement. Why?

1. The chocolate tastes different and is thinner, especially around the corners, number one.
   
2. Number two, they are MUCH softer out of the package. I liked that "difficult to chew" aspect of the old candies. You have to leave these out for a while to get the old chew factor back.
   
3. Third up, the cheap-looking and poorly designed logo, and the colors chosen. Red and orange in a font that looks like it belongs in the 70's? Not so cute. The old-fashioned packaging was charming.
   
4. Fourth, who names candies "Chew-ets?" It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
   
5. Five is the statement on the back: "Continuing the Goldenberg's tradition. A favorite for over 87 years." If it's such a favorite, leave it the hell alone. Or give yourself no ties to it whatsoever.
   
6. Finally and sixthly, I can still only find them at the dollar store! If you want me to buy the candy, make it easy for me!

Look, I really like the Just Born candies…. Mike and Ikes, Lemonheads, Teenie Beanies, even Peeps, when I'm in the mood. But this… this is a mockery of all things peanutilly chewy. I'm going on strike against Chew-ets! To Goldenberg's!