Bed Buddy

I ended up going to Walmart (for the first time in, like, four years) since it was the closest cheapo store to the chiro office, and walked around like an old lady to the pharmacy section, where I located microwaveable heating pads, because the jerry-rigged packing tape one was not gonna do it for me. I was pleased to see the selection, until I realized that the ones I wanted were all on the lowest shelf! Goddamn Walmart. I would like to know the name of the joker who decided to place the heating pads them there, so I can kick him (or her. Neither stupidity nor obnoxiousness are exclusive) when my back improves. Jackass.

Anyway, I tried lifting them with my foot, but that didn’t work. I had to ask some older man to get one for me (not one of my prouder moments, but pain can make you do things, I guess). He was accommodating but confused – on another day, I would have helped him with the heavier ones! The shuffling around did actually help though, and although my lower back still felt huge and like it had been repeatedly smashed with rocks and then sliced with burning nails, the pain had lessened approximately equal extremely bad menstrual back cramps… so at least I understood that kind of pain and knew how to treat it.

Anyway, the one I bought (for $9.83 – “rollback”, I guess) was named “Bed Buddy.” I had doubts, but it’s really good. Kinda funny, though – it’s long and can wrap around or fold, but it has these huge blue handles made from I dunno, safety ropes? I would have thought they would not be microwaveable, but I must be wrong. (My dad had a length of this in a bright Wonder Woman yellow, and me and my sister would use it as our golden lasso of truth in dress-up or other games.) Anyway, it works really well, and holds heat for longer than I thought it would. Except since I had to apply it to my back, and since it had no closure, and since I was sitting back, the heat wasn't going all the way to my sides. So I ran a scarf though the handles and tied it in the middle. It looked… interesting, kind of like some Eastern European peasant costume – the Bed Buddy was wide, and the scarf was thin, so it had a somewhat fun cummerbund shape to it. I was not exactly a glamour puss that night, but it worked, and that’s what mattered.