Dating and carbs

“And for the sin of dating indiscriminately, date nut bread.”

When I heard this one on Sunday, I giggled and giggled, even after I was done casting away my sins into the closest we have to fresh water (a pond).

Shall I explain? Allow me, since you probably have no clue what I’m talking about. This weekend was Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of the High Holy Days. Because the first day fell on Shabbat, Tashlich (the symbolic casting away of one’s sins into fresh water, using bread) had to be held on Sunday instead of Saturday. Hello, new year! Hello, clean slate! This ceremony takes place yearly, and instead of praying alone, my parents and I now do this mitzvah with the other congregants from the temple. Sigh.

Evidently, it wouldn’t be complete without some majorly corny jokes about using different types of bread for different types of sins. Everyone knows the ones about substance abuse (stoned wheat), being holier than thou (bagels), sins of indecision (waffles) and other just as corny ones. And let me say that I usually like corn. I love corn! But it’s enough, already, with the same jokes year after year. And since when is Tashlich supposed to be a laugh-fest, anyway? Me and my parents thought we’d get away without it this year, but someone managed to sneak in a sheet.

Anyway, the rabbi shared a few forgettable ones, but this one really worked for me. (I'm giggling now. What can I say? Sometimes I like cheap thrills.) It truly was a date nut bread kind of year, and I must say that I'm happy to move on. Maybe this year will be the sweetest, smoothest, richest, happiest one yet.